David Berman @ The Corcoran Gallery of Art

I'm not even sure how to begin. It's a strange feeling to see someone you've been obsessed with for years for the first time in person. But when David Berman walked onto the stage at the Corcoran tonight it was like I had seen him a thousand times before.

At one point during the first song he sang for an audience of what couldn't have been more than one hundred people, I almost had to force myself to get excited. "That is the greatest songwriter since Bob Dylan!" I repeated that to myself over and over again until it finally kicked in.

After years of thinking it would be the greatest thing ever to just casually bump in to, say, Bob Nastanovich on the street, I was now sitting ten feet away from the greatest American poet of his generation as he sang some new tunes.

The new songs were from the upcoming Silver Jews album, Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea, of course. If you aren't excited for this album you must be living in a k-hole. Berman's set started out with a small tribute to Jeremy Blake, the late artist for whom the event was held. Berman started off shaky going from song #1 to song #2 without much more than a two second pause. This was probably to shake off some cobwebs and due to the simple fact that he had never played these songs for people before and was obviously a little nervous.

As for the songs themselves, they were great. Stand outs include "Aloysius, Bluegrass Drummer" and "San Fransisco, BC." If I knew the titles to the other songs I'd say they were stand outs too. Of course I'm biased here, but based on what I heard tonight I think SJ6 is gonna be damn good. Which is great news for me since the new Malkmus, Destroyer and Clipse efforts are all well below stellar. The songs were performed solo on an acoustic guitar so, of course, one thinks of Natural Bridge right away when hearing them, but it will be interesting to see what they sound like in studio form with a full band behind some of them.

After the performance (He played 8 songs in total) there was a showing of Jeremy Blake's "Sodium Fox," which features Berman as it's narrator. It's quite the interesting work. I don't pretend to know anything about that type of art (or any type of art at all, outside of music) but I give it my stamp of approval.

After the screening of "Sodium Fox," Berman came back out for a very informal Q&A with the audience. The audience members that spoke up asked some terrible questions. Granted, I didn't ask him anything, but all i could come up with was "Umm what was the drink of choice during the making of American Water?" and I just think it's better to be silent than to disrupt the thought process of a genius with a stupid question that doesn't lead to any new insight for real fans.

Though the questions were bad, Berman was nothing less than endearing. He tended to ramble on after a few of the questions. I don't know if it was because he is lonely and dying for conversation down in Nashville or if he's just becoming a ramblin' old man. Either way, I would listen to him ramble all day long if I got the chance.

Some of the better moments of the Q&A include when someone asked him if he had a favorite song title of this own and started to say "I had one old song called The 1812, the Apartment of 1812..." Only to then be interrupted by someone who yelled out the correct title of "The War in Apartment 1812." The another good laugh came when someone in the audience asked him to sing another song and he said "I don't have any other songs," with a half smirk on his face, obviously not wanting to have to play that out of tune guitar again.

After the Q&A was finished, I hung out while most of the hall cleared out. I then finally got to go up to my hero and talk to him for a few minutes while he signed my copy of Actual Air. He was so cool and nice to me and everyone I saw him talk to. It was great to see from someone you admire so much. It just left me thinking, "SM wouldn't be that nice to me."

Anyways, It was a successful evening. I'm proud DC got such a cool event. I can't think of the last time we got something this cool exclusively in our city.

And though I'm tears about Caron, this helped me get through the bit of bad news a little easier.

go wizards. go joos.

Crustache Art

New Release Tuesday

Okay, let's power rank tomorrow's new releases...


1. Pierrot le fou - I haven't seen this one, but I do know one scientific fact and that's Godard + Anna Karina + Anna Karina's hair > Denzel + Clooney and both of their smugness combined. I'm gonna have to restrain my broke-ass from buying this one tomorrow. Damn you, Criterion Collection. Why must you have such aesthetically pleasing DVD covers?

2. American Gangster - I didn't see this one, but it features T.I. and was reason enough for Jay-Z to make his best album since The Blueprint. That makes it get my stamp of approval. To be honest though, I haven't really liked anything Denzel has done since Glory, but to be fair to him, Matthew Broderick saw a steady decline in the quality of his films after Glory too. I sense a Confederate conspiracy.

3. In the Valley of Elah - There are few actors in Hollywood more likable than Tommy Lee Jones. I've kinda always wished he was my dad. Especially in The Fugitive. He's so cool in that. I haven't seen this, but this is the one he's nominated for. I hope he wins. He won't, but I hope he does. If I had Netflix I'd put this on my queue. No Country For Old Men is the TLJ film I'm really waiting for.

4. Michael Clayton - I have no interest in this, whatsoever.


5. Ray Davies - I could listen to that solo on repeat for the rest of my life and I'd be fine with that. He's one of the heads on my personal Mount Rushmore. My Mount Rushmore is about as wide as Seftron's head and features about fifty people, but still...he's up there. I'm sure the new album has nothing to offer me, but I still hope it's great in that "I'm old and trying to cash in" kind of way. He deserves it. Seriously, how many people have written more great songs than Ray Davies?

Dylan
Jagger/Richards
Robert Pollard
Lennon/McCartney
Mark E. Smith
Willie Dixon
...Malkmus?

David Berman would probably have more if he didn't have but five (about to be six!) albums under his belt. I mean that's basically it and Davies wrote all his great ones in a period of about eight years. Maybe I'm crazy, but this guy should be treated like a god by more people more often.

6. Carla Bruni - Her music is never bad, but it's never anything I want to listen to either. If I gave her a number one through ten on "songwriting ability" and "attractiveness" the combined score of the two would be a 17. That's four points higher than Dylan. I guess that's saying something. Who would be number one on that list? And is it gay that SM was the second person that I thought of after the Pipettes?

7. Mountain Goats - zzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzzzz....terrible joos cover....zzzzzz

8. American Music Club - I don't know how I've managed to never hear of these guys, but based on this CD's cover, I'm happy I haven't. I guess it's an age thing, because according to Wikipedia they released a "masterpiece" called Everclear in 1991. All the songs on that album where about how gay the song "Father of Mine" is, despite the fact that Everclear was released years before that song actually was. I guess Mac really does know what he's doing down in Chapel Hill if he's signing artists who can see into the future.

9. Bell X1 - NME: "Funked up Snow Patrol meets Gospel-friendly Radiohead." You can say what you want about whatever your job is, but don't ever complain to me about it until the day comes that you're forced to listen to funked up Snow Patrol all day.

this must be such a fun sexy time for you

After reading this and this and watching this, its come to my attention that the unthinkable just might be right around the corner.

When meeting me you immediately realize four things: 1) This guy needs a haircut. 2) This guy needs new shoes. 3) Does he wear that Silver Jews t-shirt everyday? 4) Wow, this guy likes Arrested Development way too much.

While numbers 1, 2 and 3 are obvious just from my appearance, number 4 is something that oozes from the depths of my soul and in a very short time around me you realize how much I love Arrested Development. If AD was a band I'd like them more than Pavement. If AD was a presidential candidate I wouldn't be voting for Obama tomorrow. And if AD was a rap group I'd tell you they only had one and a half good songs. So there it is, the solid truth. I loved this show more than I do most members of my family. And now, NOW, talks have once again began surrounding the future greatest movie ever made.

A Simpsons movie may have been cool in 1995. An Office movie would never work, because everyone knows that even the hour long episodes of the Office just don't work as well as they do in the half hour format. And as for Seinfeld, if I want to watch a movie about "nothing," I'll go see the next Diablo Cody film. The impending Arrested Development movie is the only great TV show that I think can be made into an equally great movie (Sorry, Keifer).

Now there are a few things that need to happen to make this impending classic an actual classic. I honestly feel, in my heart of hearts, that other than Mitch Hurwitz, Ron Howard and the show's cast, no one is more qualified to make Arrested Development movie suggestions and demands than myself. Here are just a few of them:

1. Duh, keep all the original cast members
If even one of the main cast members isn't down for the film then the whole thing is off. That, of course, doesn't even need to be said to anyone who has seen the last half dozen AD episodes or heard the DVDs commentary tracks, they already know what kind of class and good taste Hurwitz has. But there were two levels of characters that made AD the greatest ensemble cast ever. Level one are the stars. The Bluths. Also on level one are Barry Zuckercorn, Lucille 2 and Steve Holt. Those characters need to be in the script for it to be an actual AD story, but for it to be a great and sincere AD story the script will need the just as important characters from level two. The level two people I'm thinking of are the John Beards, the Lupes, the Trisha Thoons and the Jack McBryers (as the unnamed country club waiter). If the film lacks a John Beard appearance then it is destined for failure, it really is quite that simple.

2. Don't make the film into a tribute to the show.
Of course the film is gonna have to reference the show in a lot of ways. If it didn't then what would really be the point of making it, right? But there is a way to do this and a way not to do this.

Blue hand prints randomly decorating the walls of the Bluth household would be a plus. Tobias being a "blowhard," would be a plus. Any of the family members beating their character's stereotypical behavior into the ground would be a negative.

I want to see Tobias say stupid things and for George Michael to be super awkward, but I don't want those characteristics to happen in an effort to make the audience go "Oh, that's like that time on the show. The show was so great. It never should've been canceled" Everything needs to be fresh and original, but still inside the original concept and boundaries of the show. I know that might sound like a challenge, but believe me, I have the highest faith in Hurwitz and co.

My biggest fear is that the film will fall on the wrong side of the thin line that separates "tribute" from "fresh, new hilarious storyline." a la The Simpsons Movie. It's also kind of like when Pavement finally reunites. I don't wanna hear "Cut Your Hair" and "Gold Soundz." I want to hear them do "Coolin' by Sound," "Unfair" and "Grave Architecture."

3. Don't make Michael Cera the star.
I don't think this will be much of a problem. Hurwitz is sure to know better, and if you've ever listened to the DVDs commentary then you know they all just treat young MC like a little punk. But still, now with Juno, Superbad and Ellen Page under his belt one can only cross fingers that whoever ends up financing this thing doesn't make a push to have Mikey Cera's face, and only Mikey Cera's face, on all the movie posters. Though George Michael was the third funniest character on the show, rarely did he ever get his best laughs while being the center of attention. He was always at his best when off the side just being his awkward self. I think if they divert from that in favor of making him the main character it will really hurt the film. Again, I don't think this will happen, but with Cera's sudden burst into fame it does scare me a little bit.

Alright there are probably a million more things I could think of to help make this script the best it can be. Hopefully, Mitch Hurwitz will read this and contact me for some sort of participation in the process. Until that happens, I'll be sure to mention any new ideas I come up with. I leave you with this:

COPYRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET THE RECORD STATE THAT I MADE UP THE BAND NAME THE GOLDEN PLATES AND THEN I COPYRIGHTED IT AND THAT SEAN DID NEITHER OF THESE THINGS

and I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords: the crustache grammy preview

Who cares about the Grammys, right? No one. But I think as a blogger (and as a possible future music journalist) I'm supposed to give opinions that are pretentious, misinformed and basically those that are of no one's interest but my own. Here are some of the big awards that are to be handed out this weekend and who I think should win them.

Record of the Year
"Irreplaceable" by Beyonce: Unfortunately, I will never say "to the left," again without repeating it.

"The Pretender" by the Foo-Fighters: Besides the fact that Chris Webber is now in his 13th NBA season, the other way I realize I'm getting old is that the Foo-Fighters have a new-ish song and I don't think I've ever heard it. I'd like this more I'm sure, if it was "I'm a Pretender," and an Exploding Hearts cover. Or just a Jackson Browne cover even.

"Umbrella" by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z: The first minute with Jay-Z rapping is great, of course. The rest is catchy/annoying, but not nearly as bad as most pop songs. If there was an award for "Most Often Covered Pop Song by Ironic Indie Bands in 2008," I'm sure this would be the winner.

"What Goes Around...Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake: I've never heard this one. If it features Timbaland then I hope to god it doesn't win.

"Rehab" by Amy Winehouse: You kind of have to root for this one just to see what kind of mess she's in when she accepts the awards (that is if she's out of rehab). Then again, her winning the award means we actually have to see her.

...And the winner is: "Umbrella." This was easy. If five songs are equally bad, the one that features Jay-Z is automatically the winner.

...And the real winner is: I'm still not quite sure of the difference between "Song of the Year," and "Record of the Year," so I guess I'll split up numbers one and two on my list of best songs. The #1 song of last year was "Portals" by Psychedelic Horsehit. So if there was a god and if these shows weren't meaningless, then Psychedelic Horseshit would be accepting this award.

Album of the Year
Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace by the Foo Fighters

These Days by Vince Gill: I got to listen to this extensively at work and I have to say its not as bad as one would think. Its not the Silver Jews or Townes Van Zandt, but its not the Dixie Chicks either. Its just middle of the road country that isn't made for TMC, but at the same time isn't made for anyone who likes good country either.

River: The Joni Letters by Herbie Hancock: I know so little about jazz, I just found out the other day Hancock use to play with Miles Davis. Stuck in my ignorance, I still have no desire to learn a thing about jazz.

Graduation by Kanye West: The only album listed here that was actually on my top 50. I don't really know what to say about this. I hope he wins just so he can run on stage and show his support for Obama...even though that would probably help Hillary get votes.

Back to Black by Amy Winehouse

...And the winner is: "Graduation"
...And the real winner is: "Present the Pasiley Reich" by Times New Viking

Song of the Year
"Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood: I want her to win just because she's finnnnne.

"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's: 94.7 the Globe wants this song to win.

"Like a Star" by Corrine Bailey Rae: Knock Knock. Who's there?. "Whiter than Plain White T's." "Whiter than Plain White T's" who?....Corrine Bailey Rae. wakka wakka.

"Rehab" by Amy Winehouse
"Umbrella" by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z

...And the winner is: "Umbrella," again thanks to Jigga. Although, I wouldn't mind watching a Carrie Underwood acceptance speech on mute.
...And the real winner is: "Cheekbone Hollows (Pop. 1/2 Life)." by the Childballads Yes, it was released in the first week of 2007. That means it applies. Still on of the top ten best songs of the millennium.

Best New Artist
Feist - what defines new these days?
Ledisi - i dunno.
Paramore - ""
Taylor Swift - most attractive member of this group
Amy Winhouse - least attractive member of this group

...And the winner is: Feist. Call me all the names you want, but I still like "Sealion" and "I Feel it All." As for the rest of the album, I probably couldn't tell you difference between it and a Lorenna McKennit album if played back to back.

...And the real winner is: 1. Spider Bags 2. No Age 3. The Lodger

and maybe I'll do more of these later, but really who cares about the Grammys. I just wanted an excuse to talk about the Childballads, No Age and Spider Bags.

"i'm ugly, sure. but i'm no tom petty"

Well Ellen Degeneres has grown a writer's strike beard and started a Tom Petty cover band. If only Barack had come out and danced with her! That would have easily made it the best halftime show performance since Velvet Underground played "Sister Ray" during the halftime show of Super Bowl II.

thanks for the effort, can't say you didn't try.